The house is quiet. I have been staying up late, too late, to try and work on the computer after everyone else is in bed. Theo still wakes up nearly every hour - but at least I have 60 minute chunks to focus.
Starting a business is hard. Running it alone is hard. Especially when I am trying to sell more of an idea than a product. I know business will pick up but it can be very emotionally draining putting so much work into something that seems to still only take money out of our pockets, not put it in.
I try not to get discouraged when I see other shops pop up and instantly have thousands of fans and I assume customers. I remind myself that I am building something bigger, not simply a t-shirt company. I am building a brand, a mission, a way to give back to parents in a fun and fundamental way. The shirts...They are just the first brick being laid.
I spend so much time thinking about this shop that I don't make time to write down the ways my baby boy is growing and changing. Do you think that is bad? Part of me feels like I need to give him every ounce of my attention. Record the ways he is growing and changing. Film him, spend more time on family projects, find ways to make sure that in 25 years I haven't forgotten how amazing everything he does is.
My boy. He is 14 months old. He is starting to run, arms out to his sides, elbows bent, wrists limp. He talks constantly, like his brother and father and grandfather. He loves to eat nearly everything. We don't give him baby food - he eats what we are eating and has since he started eating solids. Tonight, he was quite happy to use his little spoon to scoop beef bolognese into his mouth.
He has his hand down my shirt whenever he feels he needs to feel comforted or safe...Anytime we are around other people. When he smiles he usually scrunches up his entire face, making my soul laugh. He likes to push me around - head between my legs, hands on my thighs. He is obsessed with playing with wrapped tampons - shoving one to two in his mouth and having two to three in each hand as back up in case I make him spit out what's in his mouth. He doesn't have a fear of heights, often yelling gibberish off our balcony, head pressed into the bars and a leg dangling through, climbing on top of the table, and up into the window sills.
My baby boy loves to hug people. He usually looks at me with a cheeky smile while he does it. He knows that I think it's adorable. He brings me his shoes when I say we are going bye bye and loves to lean against the front door with his hands behind his bottom. In the evening, while I am cleaning up after dinner he becomes very busy. He will disappear into he and Graham's room and come back wielding a wooden sword or shovel, grumbling things at me as he waves it in the air. He is curiously skilled at using a sword - for a baby.
When he is thinking of something mischievous to do he looks at me smirks, furrows his brow, and moves his eyeballs to the side. It's my favorite. And did I mention he loves to dance? I know all babies love to dance - but I have been around quite a few other babies and I can confidently say that this guy is very passionate about music and moving. He will start dropping his booty to anything that remotely resembles a tune. His newest move is a one footed stomp, but he like to bounce, shake his head back and forth, clap, and move his butt around. He also like to run in place - but that is when he is either very upset or very excited. It usually involves getting food or not getting food.
This boy is wild, happy, sweet, curious, and passionate. He stays close to me but loves to run free when he knows I am close by. How will I possibly handle him growing up? I am so in love with this little human I don't know how I will ever detach.
My amazing baby boy. I can't wait to see the beautiful man you grow to become.